[Player Wannabes: Please pass, go, don’t read this article. There is nothing for you here. This is good stuff for Nice and Good Guys Only]

I hope they are gone! Now where were we?

If you have trouble finding the balance between being sensitive, kind, and respectful to women and being a guy that women find attractive and even irresistible, then you are most likely a nice or nice guy. You may have read and even tried some of the Aggressive Alpha Male Routines, but most of you just can’t bring yourself to treat women as disposable. So even though you love women and in many ways admire some of them, you find it hard to get out of the “nice guy” frame of mind you find yourself in.

Let’s see if this sounds familiar to you?

A friend made an observation about me that I was not aware of. When we go out to a party he tells me that women tell him that I am very attractive but boring. His thought is that what I do differently than most guys is I don’t put off this ‘hunter’ vibe or energy that a lot of guys do. He frustrates me a lot because sometimes I feel like it’s a liability that he tries to come from a place of integrity and decency, as some guys just say and do what they want, regardless of the consequences. I guess being respectful and kind gets confused with boring.

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I’ve only had a couple of good connections with women, and that was a long time ago. What I’m going through now is a period of stopped development. It’s like somehow the sexual component has been stripped away from me over the years and now I’m completely sexually invisible to women.

The only thing I DO feel like I lose every time something doesn’t work for me is hope, which in turn produces a lot of anger, resentment and bitterness towards women, it’s really a vicious cycle. Having said that, in a way, I have been a fool to myself and have lived in denial of my situation. I think I somehow transformed into this place.

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Well, I want to make this clear up front. The “cool guys” that women want to marry are not the “bad guys” who are bad for evil’s sake. You know who: the guy with the kickass bad attitude who walks up to a woman, looks her up and down with transparent intent, and approaches her with the sass of a ’60s pimp. Yeah, the classless, soulless one. [Excuse me for going off again. I just can’t hide my dislike for players and their wannabes].

Many women are worth the time of day. [unlike one night stand types] I can’t stand these guys either. The boy of his dreams is the sensitive, caring, respectful and considerate boy with a hint of “bad boy” traits.

[I see the look… but whatever!]

Whether you accept it or not, many women are attracted to certain traits, more abundant in Bad Boys and often offered by Bad Boys. It just can’t be denied!

But what exactly turns women on and why? Chances are you, Mr. Nice Guy/Nice Guy, have all these “bad guy” traits and don’t realize how truly “bad” you are.

1: A bad boy sets his own rules

You must feel that you are ostracized by society because you do not meet the requirements of what is considered “alpha male.” And I’m sure that makes you feel constantly judged by a standard that you can never reach. Most bad boys grew up feeling like they didn’t “fit in the box” either. The difference between a bad boy and a good boy (like you) is that he has learned to survive in a harsh world that constantly judges and rejects him because he does not meet society’s standard of a “good boy”.

TIP 1 – Set your own dating rules and walk to the beat of your own drum. Women, like all other animals, consider superior to those of the opposite sex who show great survival skills. Seeing a man wake up every morning, stay strong, claim his right, risk himself, risk his life even in hostile environments is just sexy to the brink of vertigo. Show that you have your life in order and enjoy being alive.

2: A bad boy is nobody’s punk or nobody’s pawn.

One of the reasons you get labeled a nice guy is because you respect women and treat them with the respect they deserve (hopefully). It’s the reason, you’ve been told, that women leave you for Bad Boys. That’s very true. But what they may not have told you is that women want to be respected and treated with respect, but they don’t find doormats attractive; mats are for dusting our shoes.

TIP 2 – Stand up for yourself sometimes, look her in the eye and draw the line in the sand when needed. A core of steel that is not easily manipulated and does not compromise on the things that matter is attractive, very. But this should not be something you do as a complaining victim, but something you do calmly, rationally and assertively, and on things that really matter.

3: A bad boy doesn’t pretend to be a saint

We know you guys are the “good” guys. You don’t have to work so hard to prove how “good” you are. That puppy (“please, please, love me”) trying so hard to please is too good to fail. There is a limit to how “sweet” a woman can take before she vomits or explodes.

TIP 3 – Be real with us, that’s all we ask of you. The act of the “romantic saint” gets old very quickly. We want to see you accept yourself just the way you are: the good, the bad, and the ugly. A guy who accepts himself just the way he is will hardly criticize our own mistakes, setbacks, weaknesses, scars and warts so harshly because he knows he’s not perfect either.

4: A bad boy is never afraid to stand up for what he thinks is right.

If you’re a good guy (not angry and all), there must be a part of you that strongly believes in right and wrong, which is why you find it difficult to treat women in a mean and demeaning way. It’s just wrong, right? Now, whether you agree with the bad guys’ sense of right and wrong or not, you have to give up on these guys for sticking with it. Having the conviction to do what you think is right, no matter the cost, is probably one of the most attractive traits there is.

TIP 4 – Defend us, all the time. All women (even those who claim to be independent and self-sufficient) want to know that her man will stand up for her if anyone tries to mess with her (even if he’s a political monster). Seeing you in the role of “protector” makes her feel “safe” with you and around you. [“Safe” is good when she feels it but bad when you are playing it].

5: A bad boy can handle ANY situation

Good boys and responsible boys are united. That’s good. But don’t be responsible for some things and disappear like a pound in ink when it comes to making tough decisions. We want to make our own decisions, but it doesn’t seem right to us to make all the hard decisions and you just go along with what we say without any helpful input or challenge. If we decide we want a dog, we’ll get one, but when we want a man in the house, we mean ONE MAN in the house.

TIP 5 – Step up and take charge of difficult situations. suggest solutions; come up with new ideas and make things happen. Sometimes it’s good to have someone else make the tough decisions and take action without being told, ordered, or scolded. If you can’t be the kind of MAN we want, it’s hard for us to be the kind of woman you want. We like our confident and capable men. It’s that easy.

6: A bad guy never tries to avoid the painful consequences of his own actions.

One quality that we women like about most nice guys is that they are sensitive, always thinking about the consequences of their words and actions. The down side of this is that many of you are also depressingly overly cautious, emotionally shy and overly anxious, always wondering when or what will blow us up. We appreciate the sensitivity, but we don’t want too much.

TIP 6 – Stop acting like the victim in all situations. If there is a tangle of emotions that need to be addressed, face them head-on. He may complain a little bit, but at the end of the day you took care of it and for that he will respect you more. Changing your mindset from a pessimistic/fear-based style to a self-empowered/optimistic one can even help you get out of your own depression.

7: A Bad Boy has several twists and turns (and a few surprises)

If there’s one thing women know about Nice Guys, it’s that they’re reliable and consistent. They’re also so consistently predictable that we can almost read their (boring) minds. When one knows everything, there is nothing left to discover. No more surprises, no more wonders, no more passions.

TIP 7 – Be consistent — consistently intriguing. Throw in a little mix, shake things up a bit, and do something unexpected and unpredictable. When you’re like a romance novel; Packed with action and enough luscious suspense, intrigue, thrill, and passion to make a woman turn the pages, we hang on to her every word because we know that with every page we turn, we always discover feelings (and abilities) in ourselves that they were previously unaware.

8: A bad boy believes in himself and his sex appeal.

Our society has somehow managed to divorce “nice guys” from their sexuality: good = boring, bad = sexy. What we have now are men who want to be seen as “good men” but are afraid and even feel guilty and ashamed of their own sexual nature. You know what I mean: you see other guys as more handsome, sexier and more attractive, but you… never good enough. Bad boys have none of that. They don’t compare themselves to the “nice guys” or try to be who they are not. They love being the “bad” boys.

TIP 8 – Stop the comparison game and start believing in yourself. Nice/nice guys are quality boyfriend/husband material, and you better believe that. In fact, repeat after me: “I’m a good catch!” Tell yourself, even if you’re not feeling particularly upbeat or brave, “I’m a catch!” You may not be the cutest or the smartest guy in town, but you have a good heart, a healthy mind, and good energy. Give yourself permission to exude inner strength, confidence, and self-assurance. There is nothing sexier than a man who believes in himself and isn’t afraid to unleash his unique individual sex appeal.

You’re not going to live forever, so why not walk out with a big smile on your face? Hmm?

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