It is one of the best kept secrets in the world. I can personally confirm that the phenomenon I am about to describe is almost unknown among Americans. So if you’re reading this in Asia, don’t tell anyone at home …

Guys, if you’re going anywhere in Asia except Hong Kong, you better get a leather jacket as soon as you get off the plane, because it’s the Fonz. Welcome to the Alpha Male state. The first thing you’ll notice are dazzling-looking Western men with calculators in their pockets walking arm in arm with Chinese supermodels. These women are girlfriends, not prostitutes. I call it the “charisma man syndrome.” After a couple of weeks, your friends back home will start to wonder why you canceled your return flight. A couple of decades later, they will still ask you the same question.

There are several theories as to why this is the case; let’s explore them one by one:

1. Complex historical, sociological and anthropological reasons.

Let me rest. Actually, this was the subject of at least one PhD thesis, but hey, we’re not in the ivory tower anymore. Do you really think any Chinese woman ponders the Opium War before deciding whether or not to accept a request for a date from her British English teacher?

2. They want your money.

It is logical, right? Most Asian countries are poor and most Western countries are not. What this theory takes out of the water is the fact that, if anything, this phenomenon is even worse in Japan, where (relatively) poverty-stricken English teachers date Japanese role models who earn five times as much as they do.

3. They want a western passport.

Well, marriage to a Westerner is indeed the fastest and safest route to obtaining a Western passport. And more than one Westerner has been left crying bitterly in the Arrivals Hall when his new Asian wife escaped through the window of the Ladies’ Room at the airport to freedom. But then again, there is the counterexample of prosperous Japan, where not all local women seek Western passports but still flock to Western men. By the way, since Western women are generally not interested in Asian men, and since Western men in Asia are usually busy with Asian women, single Western women living in Asia tend to be very lonely. And they are NOT happy with it. The “passport motivation” is his favorite explanation.

4. They want free English lessons

Yes, but why do you want to learn English in the first place? So they can talk to Westerners? Also, my extensive research has shown that Western-language nerds who refuse to speak English in favor of the local language do just as well (if not better than) starry-eyed Asia Greenies fresh out of the airport.

5. It is a status symbol in Asia to have a Western boyfriend.

Yes, and it is a status symbol in Spain to have a bullfighter boyfriend. What a silly theory. The question arises as to why having a Western boyfriend became a status symbol in the first place. After all, it is not a status symbol in Australia to have, say, a Bolivian boyfriend. Ah, Madison Avenue …

6. Western boys are prettier

Not some of the ones I see. On the other hand, it is true that Asia is the only place in the world where they tell me that I look like Brad Pitt; in America, I’m more likely to be compared to Pee Wee Herman.

7. The grass is always greener on the other side …

So why aren’t women in the United States scratching their eyes over a Chinese boyfriend?

8. Asian men are somehow unsuitable

As a man, I wouldn’t know about this. But I would love to hear from any woman interested in this topic.

My next article will be titled, “Why Western Women in China Hate Western Men and What You Can Do to Make It Worse.”

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