So, I was dating this guy for over 5 years to the point where you could say we were practically married (albeit a long distance marriage). We met through mutual friends, but at that time we were living in different states. How we made it work in those critical first months, I can’t even tell you. I guess it was the wonder of those frequent flier miles.

Anyway, at one point he lived in Los Angeles (where he is from) and I lived in Atlanta (where I went to college) and he was very upset with me for choosing to go to college there instead of Los Angeles to be closer to him at that moment. At the time, I was just a young woman chasing the dream of succeeding and getting my education was my top priority, not my man.

We argued about that for a while before we made any kind of compromise – it would spend a year or so in Atlanta and end up in Los Angeles. Sounds reasonable? So it seemed at the time. Also, we decided to take a minibreak of the bicoastal plane rides and just do our own thing for a year. I mean, it wasn’t necessarily established that we would see other people. It was just agreed that we would take a round trip break.

Anyway, fast forward to a year later and I’m in Los Angeles and reunited with my man. Everything was fine until I found out that he had become the father of a little boy by an ex of his (and I didn’t find out about this right away because he didn’t tell me right away). Needless to say, I was not happy with that. But what could I do? The boy was here now.

At the time, I felt like he was cheating on me, and of course I was mad at him. And of course I’d rationalize it by saying “Honey, it wasn’t a setup. We weren’t together during that time.” She wasn’t trying to listen to him then and as much as she loved this boy, she couldn’t get over the fact that she had a baby … with someone else. I mean, I wasn’t stupid to think that he would be celibate all year long, I knew he was going to have sex with anyone, but I didn’t expect him to have a baby. Apparently neither did he.

But anyway, we are no longer together even though at some point we tried to make it work. He just couldn’t accept the situation as it was. But now that I’m older and I look back, maybe some of this was my fault and maybe he was right, that it really wasn’t cheating if we weren’t together at the time (every once in a while). What do you think?

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