Understandably, many people are confused about how to communicate with their estranged spouse, especially when they expect the breakup to be only temporary. Some have people advising them that it is best to speak only in moderation, while their heart may be telling them that they want to stay in constant communication.

Someone might ask, “How are you supposed to keep in touch with a separated spouse? Hopefully we won’t be apart for long, but I don’t know for sure. A place from week to week instead of signing a contract. leasing, so that gives me some encouragement. Still, things aren’t that good between us. We don’t fight horribly or anything, but we seem to misunderstand each other all the time, so things are tense and cold. I am used to talking to my husband several times a day, but I don’t know how to proceed now. Some of my friends tell me that I should follow the ‘no Contact’, but I don’t like how that sounds. I want to know that my husband is okay and I hope he feels the same about me. Still, he would feel awkward to call and he doesn’t seem happy to hear from me. So I’m not sure how I should communicate and how often. What do most couples do when respect? “

It really depends on the couple and the state of the marriage. In my experience, it is helpful to try to agree that they will speak on certain nights and meet at regular times, this is ideal. It allows you to register regularly. In addition, seeing us literally allows them to continue participating in the lives of others.

I know this may seem like an exaggeration but too many couples leave this to chance and then a while and suddenly it’s awkward and weird to call. People also tend to assume the worst in others when they don’t communicate regularly. So if your spouse is receptive to regular communication, I have found this to be the best.

That said, sometimes one spouse doesn’t want excessive contact at first, especially when things are volatile. In this case, texting may be better than nothing. That allows you to sign in and let your spouse know that you are thinking of him, while not being as intrusive as calling for him to answer.

To be honest, I see “no contact” going wrong more than I see it being helpful. Often without “contact,” the couple just drift further and further away, assuming the worst about each other. The only time I’ve seen “no contact” work is when one spouse blatantly rejects the other so much that communication is only possible when the rejected spouse is doing all the heavy lifting. I had to do a variation on this, but I wouldn’t call what I did “contactless”. My husband got really tired of me always asking him how he felt and what he wanted. When he didn’t answer me, he kept calling and texting. Eventually it closed. It got to where I really had no choice but to back off. I left the city. I told him I was leaving and that he was available if he wanted to talk. I checked in from time to time. So this was not the traditional “no contact” where I was completely silent. I toned down the communication on my part because it had gotten too much. But I made it clear that he could reach me at any time. And finally it did. So it was to my benefit to tone down what my husband perceived as authoritarian behavior. However, I would never have given my husband the perception that I did not want to talk to him and he was not available.

Ideally, it is best to have regular and open communication in a way that is comfortable for both spouses. You may prefer phone conversations. Your husband may prefer to send text messages. You may want to see us at regular intervals. Anything that works for you is fine. But in my experience, it’s best to stay in touch if you can make it work. It’s so easy not to sign up and then in no time you’ll find that things have deteriorated even further. You will worry that your spouse will see other people or avoid you. These things are avoidable if you communicate, but I realize that not everyone has that luxury. Sometimes a text message can be all you get. But at least you know your spouse is fine and signing up. I tried to tell myself that my goal for each communication was to make my husband open and receptive the next time we communicated. When you leave things on a positive note, it is more likely to be enjoyable next time. When you look at it this way, you are more likely to have regular communication, which in my experience is the ideal way to go.

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