The topic of kisses, or indeed the lack of them, has recently come up in conversations at parties. People lamented not just the lack of kissing, but the rise in bad kissers in recent years. This sent me on a trip to get feedback from other people on whether they had noticed anything, and the responses were interesting.
Marah Fellicce of Red Bank, NJ, said she has also noticed that “the world of kissing has declined significantly. Kissing can be a wonderful and intimate experience, which in some cases can rival the main event.” She says there is “an over-sensualization of the experience between two people and a built-in desire to hurry, but what can you expect in an age of popcorn?” Franklin Riga, who emphasized that he was a straight man, agrees: “I think maybe kissing is becoming a lost art.”
Romance novelist Kathy Newburn says kissing is “totally sensory, all five, in fact. You will feel, hear, smell, see and taste, all factors that generate desire and pleasure. So stay and enjoy, and ultimately practice. mastering the art of kissing “.
“Kissing and Cooking for Couples” author Kim Reutzel says she believes that “kissing is a way of staying and connecting in more ways than one. Touch allows physical juices to flow creating an experience of soul connection that can rekindle the fires inside. “
What the Beverly Hills psychiatrist, relationship expert and author of the best-selling book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live With Them, and When to Leave Them,” explains Dr. Carol Leiberman of the recent decline in the kisses. much. “The decrease in kissing is due in part to our ever-growing ‘to-do’ lists and shrinking time.” He goes on to explain how kissing is actually “the most intimate part of a sexual encounter, since the true feelings of each partner are communicated to the other during this act. People can fake feelings during other aspects of sex, relying on lust to have erections “. or even orgasms. But they can’t fake how they really feel about their partner during a kiss. Men and women are increasingly afraid of intimacy. They don’t want to reveal their true feelings through a kiss because they are afraid of being too close and then hurting themselves. “
Mary Jo Fay, author of several books on relationships, echoes the thought: “People ARE jumping into sex so fast that they are missing out on the incredible intimacy, anticipation and heightened awareness that spending more time kissing and kissing can bring. don’t rush to the sexual part.
“For starters, it’s very intimate and brings you together like sex does (you’re exchanging bodily fluids at least),” explains Alison Blackman, editor and writer for AdviceSisters Publications. “Maybe that’s why prostitutes don’t mind kissing either. A romantic kiss can mean anything from ‘I like you’ to ‘I adore you’ and ‘I just want hot sex and then I want to forget you.’ It’s an emotionally charged activity. And I think we spend so much time in front of our computer screens that physical connections of all kinds have diminished. It is not a good thing, but it is a sign of our time. “
But it’s not just the lack of kisses. The other part of the problem is bad kisses. One woman who asked not to be identified because she doesn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings said: “It’s been almost eight years and since the first month I’ve hated kissing him. He sticks his tongue in my mouth and just moves it.” like a worm having spasms. “
“Kissing would be nice as a deal breaker,” says three-time married Jessie McCaskill. “Now I know that if someone can’t indulge in the kiss, they are not naturally sensual people.” Dating expert Mary Jo Fay agrees, saying she believes “bad kisses may be enough to say NEXT to someone else without a moment’s hesitation. Bad kisses usually lead me to believe that sex won’t be good either.”
Marah Felliccee has even gone so far to teach classes on the art of kissing in the US in New Orleans, Boston, and soon in New York City. But she is not alone. In fact, you can even get a certificate in kissing from sexologist and founder of the University of Loveology, Dr. Ava Cadell, who says “it has made it a priority to educate people about the lost art of kissing.” with a certified course. “There is even an entire website (www.kissing.com) dedicated to teaching people how to be better kissers and the various methods of doing it.” We all love it … but some of us just We don’t know we love it until they teach us! “says Portland, Oregon resident Don Clarkson.
Really, the easiest way to improve is to ask someone who really kisses well to show you. And think about how much fun it can be.
Perhaps all is not lost. Perhaps, instead of being a driving force in the front seat of human sexuality, it has moved to a place in the back seat. And you may not have lost so much of your appeal from the way people think about sex. The kisses went from the hand, to the mouth and now to the genitals. It wasn’t so long ago that oral sex was considered very intimate. Now it’s just another way to show affection, just like kissing years ago.
But Ann Keeler Evans, Marriage Examiner columnist of the “Philadelphia Examiner,” doesn’t really believe kissing has lost its place in intimacy. He has great respect for him when he stated in one of his recent columns that “kissing is an art form. It is not the prelude to anything, it is the culmination. It is not an aperitif, but a dessert! The chocolate souffle of desserts It is the good wine that is savored not only with food but also alone “.
Kissing will never go out of style. Teen dating is a good example of that. But as some of the people interviewed for this article said, couples who have been together for a while seem to lose interest. Ki Mirra of Burlington, Vermont said that people “really enjoy the closeness that kissing fosters.”
And certainly, for many people, kissing is a truly unspoken form of communication. Architect Christine Leonard, who has to deal with partners a lot in her business, says she sees a lot of hello / goodbye kisses between these couples and feels like she can usually “see true love in a kiss.”
Hope is eternal. For some, kissing is sometimes a replacement for more intimate encounters. But for most people it is not something they choose to give up. Just as a good painter always wants to improve, practice art for as long as it takes to be a master artist.
Ace McKay, author of “The Marriage Playbook”“ says she believes that all people should become leaders “in setting the trend for the GREAT kissing comeback” by being willing to show affection for the person you care about most, even if it’s in public. In other words, set the example by being the example.