You probably know the definitions of introvert and extrovert:

An extrovert is someone who is energized by social interactions and an introvert is someone who is drained by them.

With that handy little guide, you’ve probably categorized yourself as one or the other.

But if you’ve called yourself an introvert, what if that’s not what’s really going on?

I think of some times in the past, times when things would wear me down.

Just like when I was younger, going to school felt strangely tiring. He didn’t know why. I shouldn’t have, there was nothing too demanding about it, but at the end of the day, I would be devastated.

The same thing would happen when he went for a walk around the block. I was physically capable of that and much more. This was when he was a great tennis player, so it’s not like he was out of shape. But in the end, I would feel ready to curl up on the couch and take a nap.

It took me years to realize that I felt tense during these situations.

When I learned to just relax, I was able to do these things and had energy to spare. I would come home from a walk or school and feel energized once I let go of all that tension.

And the same thing happened with my social interactions.

I had called myself an introvert because I always felt tired after spending time with people, but then I realized that I felt tense when talking to people.

Again, when I learned to relax while having a conversation, I suddenly changed, by that definition, from being an introvert to an extrovert.

A practical solution, no doubt.

But why did I feel tense?

Because I had social anxiety. Being around people, I worried about saying the wrong thing, getting a little obsessed with what they thought of me, trying my best to be interesting and charismatic (and generally failing at both).

So what if your introversion isn’t introversion at all?

What if it’s actually social anxiety?

Taking this to the extreme, what if introversion doesn’t even exist? We’ve been calling it the wrong thing all this time.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t take some time alone to rest and recharge. Trust me, I would never say that.

But if you need to unplug after dealing with people all day, maybe it’s because you’re approaching it the wrong way.

Maybe if you learned to relax your body and mind, dealing with people would be easy.

Maybe even refreshing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *