The term “anger management” is used to recognize that anger is a natural and unavoidable human emotion. It’s not about getting rid of anger; rather it is about dealing with those emotions so that you can express yourself more productively. Consider the following tips and ideas to help you manage your anger.
1 Keep a journal. Such reflection helps you become aware of your anger patterns and as such allows you to do something about it. When you think about your anger, consider the following:
- How long does each episode of anger last?
- How do you express anger?
- How often do you get angry?
- What sparked your anger?
- How do you feel physically?
- How do you feel emotionally?
- What do you do when other people get mad at you?
- Gaining awareness puts you in a position to think about what you would like to do differently.
- What is a more productive way to respond?
2 Accept that you don’t always have to be right.
3 Learn to accept yourself and others.
4 Realize that you cannot control the world. You can say “They can’t do that to me.” They actually can and did (either correct or not).
5 Own your anger instead of blaming the other person for your anger. You have chosen to respond the way you have, and this has led you to feel the way you do.
6 Learn to express your feelings when someone has upset you. So try “I feel angry about what you just said” instead of “That made me angry.”
7 Try forgiveness. Let go of the anger of your past.
8 Learn to compromise and accept that it is not the end of the world.
9 Count down from 100 until you feel the anger has passed and you are in control once more.
10 Learn to ‘stop thinking’. This is helpful when you keep going over and over a particular episode that made you angry. Consciously stop thinking those thoughts by telling yourself and thinking ‘STOP’ to yourself.
11 Be assertive. Learn to say what you want and express how you feel, without resorting to verbal or physical abuse.
12 Exercise or do something physical to help release emotions.
13 Learn to relax.
14 Listen to the other person and try to see things from their point of view.
15 Learn to resolve conflicts productively.
16 Learn to manage stress.
17 Learn to solve problems. A) define your problem; B) choose your goal; C) brainstorming possibilities and solutions; D) consider the consequences of each possibility; E) choose the most appropriate solution; F) plan and implement the chosen solution; G) evaluate the result.
18 Change your way of thinking. Thoughts like ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘must’, ‘have to’ are not realistic and do not help. You put a lot of burden on yourself and others when you think this way. Challenge these thoughts and build more realistic alternatives.
19 See a counselor.
20 Attend an anger management group.