For many years I was in an occupation that forced me to go into bars. My clients or prospects often suggested meeting for a drink to discuss the details of whatever deal we were working on.
When I stopped drinking, this was a big problem for me. I had been taught to stay away from bars. After all … that’s where the alcohol is. That was not an option for me because I still had to make a living.
A friend who had been sober for a long time helped me find a way to solve my dilemma. He told me that I should actually stay away from bars. But, when legitimate reasons came up, it was okay. I just had to think about it for a bit before diving in.
This is what he told me to do …
Drive myself
If I have to go to a bar or party where I know I am likely to drink, I should drive myself rather than with someone else. I should also park my car where I can get there quickly. Avoid using a valet service, for example.
If I was tempted, I could get out quickly before things got ugly.
Maintain a life line
Before going to the bar or the party I had to call my friend and let him know where I was. I’d make sure I could do it. If he felt something alarming in my voice, he would tell me to abort.
I also had to apologize and call him while I was at the event. This just kept me rooted in the “sober” world.
Order a drink immediately
As soon as I got to the bar I had to order a non-alcoholic drink like tonic water. This would be a convenient excuse to decline a drink … “no thanks, I already have one.” There was no reason for anyone to know what he was drinking.
He didn’t need to explain to anyone that he had stopped drinking. It was none of their business.
Keep my visit short
Even if things were going well, don’t stick around after finishing the business. Don’t be rude and run away, but don’t push the boundaries either. When the deal is done, hit the road.
Have another “important commitment” in the wings
Before I go to the event, I should have an excuse to go ready. I should be ready to thank my clients for meeting with me, but I was going to have to cut the evening short due to other obligations. For me, that was often true, because I was usually heading to an AA meeting later.
If you have a good reason and are spiritually fit, spending some time in a bar is acceptable. Just make sure it’s properly fortified and prepared before you do it.