I often hear from wives who feel they are not being treated fairly after their husband cheated on them or had an affair. They are often quite hurt, disappointed, and still floundering, and yet they can feel a lot of pressure to just pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and move on, even when they feel like doing anything but.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part, “My husband had an affair last year. Right after, I kicked him out because I couldn’t bear to see him. But my children suffered as a result. And, if I’m honest, I have to admit that I I missed him too and I finally realized that I don’t want to sacrifice my marriage. So I eventually let him move back home. But once he did, it was like he expected me to just put on a happy face and act like I was. adventure would never have happened. I just haven’t been able to do that. I’m still angry. I’m still disappointed. I need to see a lot of regrets and changes in him. But he doesn’t seem to want to hear this. Even my friends tell me that he’s not going to be patient with me forever. I have had male friends who have cheated on their own wives and tell me that they eventually left their wives because they just couldn’t let her always worry about it. They advise me to take the high road and resist the impulses I have to contact the other woman, or question my husband about the matter. This frustrates me a lot. Why do I always have to take the high road and pretend everything is fine when it’s not? My husband still hasn’t done enough to make it up to me. Why does he walk free from Scot?”
As a woman who has cheated on herself, I understand these concerns very well. Often, it is not fair that a wife is expected to go her way before she is ready or wants to. I will discuss more about this matter in the following article.
If you still don’t feel ready or capable of taking the right path, find a compromise: I agree that there is often a double standard with the case. It’s almost as if the husband and society give the wife a very short, fixed period of time to “get over it” and when that time is up, then the wife should throw in the bets and move on. Wives who feel this is unfair would surely be right. It’s not. So what happens if he is pressured to get her on the right track and move on, but she feels this is unfair and she’s not ready? Try to find some committed.
Because at the end of the day, both sides have some merit. I 100 percent understand your right to feel exactly how you feel for as long as you need to. I also understand your right to continue asking questions for as long as necessary. Yet at the same time, I hear from many men who tell me that no matter what they do, say, or try, his wife seems determined to hang on to the affair for life. They also say that despite their best intentions and their love for their wife, they are not sure how much longer they can be patient because they are living a life where their mistakes are always blamed and they live feeling horrible. on themselves 100 percent of the time.
So you can see how both people are entitled to their feelings. That is why a compromise may be the best scenario. Find out from her husband what bothers her the most. This could be that you continue to ask questions that he has already answered or that you always bring all the issues back to the topic. Some people have success agreeing to a set time to go over any questions or problems related to the adventure. Perhaps he sits and talks once a day or even once a week when recovery has started. This way, he knows that she is going to have her opinion and the opportunity to ask questions, while her husband knows that he will have a reprieve, so he will probably have more patience during the set time that you talk about it. .
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to sit down or bottle up your feelings, but it may be a good idea to limit them to a certain time. However, it’s important to get them out and work on what’s causing them because you don’t deserve to feel them forever.
Why taking the high road (when you’re ready) benefits you as much as your husband: Please listen to me for a minute. I really know how frustrated you are feeling right now because I’ve been there. And I know how tempting it can be to feel self-righteous because you are the one who has been wronged and you deserve to feel and express what you feel. I don’t disagree in the slightest.
But I can tell you that holding on to hurt and pain can actually be just as damaging to you as it is to your husband. If you don’t allow yourself to move forward because you’re holding on to questions or concerns that you may never get satisfactory answers to, you may be holding back your own progress and relief.
You deserve to be happy again. You don’t deserve to live the rest of your life always feeling doubt and confusion because of your husband’s mistake. He would never deny the need for answers from him or demand that he take the right path when he is not ready to do so. However, there really is something to be said for trying to find the positive in the situation and trying to move forward however you can. Because living within the aftermath of an adventure is absolutely miserable at times. So you really want to put all that behind you as soon as you can.