They recently told me: “You must not be from here.” It’s interesting how a seemingly innocuous phrase can have such a strong impact on you after the fact. It was early Friday afternoon and I was at the laundromat not far from my house. I was using a king size washing machine to wash a sleeping bag in preparation for a camping trip on Saturday.
To pass the time, I was listening to my Atlanta Braves on my Android. In preparation for future articles, I also brought work papers, notes, and my spiral notebook to write in. I sit more than I’d like while working at my day job, so I spread out my stuff on the folding table where I listened to the game and wrote while waiting for my laundry to finish. After a few minutes, a young couple walked into the laundry room and started taking clothes out of the dryer. The woman rolled her basket to the table and began folding her clothes at the other end of the table. It was the only space available as I had my stuff spread out from the center of the table.
At that point, I turned to the woman and asked if she needed me to move. With a surprised look, she told me that if I didn’t mind her she would be very useful, so I grabbed my things and moved to a chair. The man, who turned out to be the woman’s husband, looked at me and said, “You must not be from here.” I responded proudly, explaining that he was from Nebraska. He then proceeded to rant about how rude the people of San Jose are and how no one from San Jose ever asked them if they needed to move, let alone move voluntarily.
In conversation, I learned that the man was a recently discharged six-year Army veteran who had toured Afghanistan. His wife was from the Bay Area, but he grew up outside of California.
Since I came to the Bay Area in 1992, I have lived here longer than anywhere else in the United States. I’ve had my share of negative interactions with people everywhere I’ve lived, but luckily I don’t think I’ve allowed it to change who I am. In retrospect, I’m sorry I told you he was from Nebraska and reinforcing the man’s opinion of the people of the Bay Area. “I am from here.” For better or worse, the Bay Area is my home. While I can’t control the people I interact with, I can change the way I respond to and interact with them.
Like our relationships, we may want to change the behavior or way of thinking of our family members, co-workers, or friends; if they did what we want, we would be much happier and things would be easier. This is not the solution, but rather a pathway to further frustration and stress.