Since the dawn of homo sapiens, we have been researching, experimenting and trying to crack the secret code of love. Many of us seem to have forgotten that in the early days, free love was in short supply. From aristocrats to slaves, marriages and relationships were often mandated and chosen by individuals with greater power and authority for political, religious, material, and personal gain. Thus, there are the great love tragedies of “Romeo and Juliet” and “Abelard and Heloise,” as well as countless others that were carelessly persecuted for their innocent expression of love. These tragic love stories left many of us wondering, why is love so difficult and what is it like to experience such depth of love?
Free will love has come a long way in the 21st century through the evolution of human love experiences, technological advancement, and cultural changes. In today’s more liberal societies, people are free to choose and express their admirations and desires to the subjects of their affection with little or no consequence. However, in societies where we can freely choose who we want to love, we have witnessed an increase in the divorce rate, a decrease in the marriage rate, and more people delaying marriage for different reasons.
duality of love
But regardless of whether we follow the “Abelard and Heloise” model of love from ‘follow one to the end of hell’ to ‘you’re just one of 100 people I’m seeing and what’s your name?’, we experience the universal conditions. of pleasures and pains, the union and the final disintegration of love and relationships, no matter how little or how much we love. No matter how much wealth and power one possesses, one is still subject to the emotional and physical transgressions of others.
So if we know the ultimate goal of any love and relationship, why do we continue to relentlessly pursue love, whether it’s in the form of a committed monogamous relationship or sleeping with as many people as we can? What is it that we pursue in our teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and until the moment of our death? And if we’re going to look back on our lives, would we regret the times when we didn’t try harder, the people we’ve hurt, and, most painful of all, we easily let go of that one person who awakens our soul, only to to learn? too late.
Pleasures and pains are the twin brothers of love. We cannot expect one and not the other. We believe that we deserve God’s love and that it is someone else’s responsibility to make us happy. If we want a love like God’s, then we must work like God. If we are not willing to open our hearts to experience judgments, disappointments and pains when experiencing love, how can we ask for a love that brings us happiness? If we are not willing to overcome our egos and karmic conditioning, how can we manifest a love that brings us meaning? If we are not willing to heal the deepest wounds of our soul, how can we hope to live without pain?
The true nature of love
Perhaps we can think of ourselves as individuals who have come together to help each other learn and master the experiences of love and separation in its different forms: commitment, marriage, infidelity, rejection, betrayal and abandonment. Therefore, in the face of failure, disappointment, and repetitive pain, we do not give up easily and continue to seek, learn, and understand the true nature of love. By doing so, we can look beyond the rise and fall of constant change in our everyday interactions and relationships.
We learn not to waste energy on trivial questions like why he never answered my text or never called me back. We do not doubt our values because the person we love chooses another and we respect their choice and will. We don’t live the rest of our lives disappointed and hurt by people’s betrayal. We do not take the easy road of love at the expense of others.
When we transcend our experiences and learnings, love ceases to be an idea of you, me, him, her or us. To love is to free ourselves from our pains, fears, regrets, shame, guilt and delusions, so that we can transcend beyond our limited perceptions of ourselves and what love is.
We can overcome our conditioned desires that dictate our thinking, beliefs, and behaviors in relationships. We develop the wisdom and courage to stay true to our hearts and not give in to our fears and pains for short-term pleasures and gains.
By experiencing the beginning and end of all human love relationships and their associated pleasures and pains, we learn unconditional love, forgiveness, and acceptance.