We are communicating with someone about something throughout the day. Communication is fundamental to our modern lives, isn’t it? Unfortunately, many things do not go well. Why? Because much of what we say and write is not very clear to the other party. We can cite several examples of communication problems, but most, if not all, boil down to a lack of clarity. Pure and simple. This article highlights ten reasons behind the constant confusion.
1. We leave important steps out of a process.
Have you ever instructed a stranger and failed to tell him to turn left at a critical point? Perhaps he did not mention the landmark because it is part of his everyday landscape that he takes for granted. But that reference point, completely unknown to the person, is essential for him to detect as he heads towards his desired destination. It doesn’t matter how good your general instructions are if you forgot to tell you about the benchmark.
2. We talk in circles.
When you speak in circles, you usually don’t know what you are really trying to say. You yourself are not clear. If you are not clear, how can you communicate something to another person in a way that they can understand? It is virtually impossible. Know what your main point is and say so. Offer some details that support your point. Then finish by reaffirming your point in a slightly different way. This process makes logical sense and most people can follow it. Think of it like driving your car from city to city via a main, direct route rather than going out of your way on several winding two-lane roads.
3. We do not provide the necessary information.
If your spouse asks you to describe the type of birthday cake you most want and doesn’t tell you that you prefer the whipped frosting, don’t be surprised if you end up with a frosted cake with buttercream. If that happens, it is not your spouse’s fault. It’s your fault. In this case, you omitted much-needed information. As a result, he did not receive the cake of his dreams. You were not specific enough in your description. Maybe you got a fabulous chocolate cake, but you also got a frosting that you really don’t like.
4. We imply one thing but we mean another.
It is a beautiful day in early spring. Several times throughout the afternoon you mention how nice it would be to dine on the porch. When it’s time for dinner, you’re surprised to see the picnic table set for two. Now a breeze is blowing and the air is fresh. He has no interest in eating out where he knows it will be uncomfortably cold. When you express concern to your partner, she gets angry. She says she was just trying to please you. You tell him you were just fantasizing when you talked about dining outside. She took his comments literally and that created the problem.
5. We speak too low.
If you speak so softly that the other person cannot hear you properly, you risk misunderstandings. The other person can only pick up fragments of what you say. As a result, you will fill in the gaps with whatever you think is appropriate. The content she brings to the conversation may or may not be accurate. If it’s simple, friendly back-and-forth banter, this may not be a problem. But if you were telling him how to prepare a certain recipe, it is a very different matter. If you are someone who speaks very softly on a regular basis, ask yourself why you do so and what the consequences could be.
6. We talk about a topic with a familiarity that the other person lacks.
He has been working on a project in the office for many weeks. You know the details from the inside out, back and forth. This morning you ask a colleague to take on a particular task related to this project, but you are unable to convey an important story related to the piece you need to address. A few hours later, you discover that you approached the task in a way that you would not have chosen if you had done it yourself. You are furious. You can’t get on with this job until you undo what your colleague did. As a result, the project will not be completed on time.
7. We do not ask clarifying questions.
Your boss assigned you a certain task and you are 85% sure how to proceed. The other 15%? Well, you are quite confused about that part. But you decide to go ahead and do your homework anyway. Throughout the day you wonder if you are doing the right thing. You are worried but keep working. At the end of the day, you show your boss what you’ve done. When she tells you how disappointed she is, you feel terrible. If only he had asked those questions that were running around in his mind … before he started.
8. We use nebulous words.
One of your employees consistently produces mediocre work. He has not been satisfied with his performance for several months. Today is your annual performance review and you must face the situation. Once you and her are in your office together, let her know that you think she can do a better job. When she asks you directly if you are not satisfied with the work she is doing, you move in the chair, swallow hard and say “not exactly.” He just thinks she could slow down and focus more so that fewer mistakes are made. You never look her in the eye and tell her that she needs to improve in the following specific ways by a certain date.
9. We assume that the other person knows what we mean.
The staff meeting has just ended and you are leaving the conference room with a trusted colleague. You say something like, “It was a little cold there, wasn’t it?” The colleague looks at you without understanding, without knowing what you mean. Then he says, “Cold. Like Bob.” Again the blank stare. At this point you say, “Well, Bob had no idea, don’t you think?” Now it is clear that your colleague has no idea what you mean. He is desperately trying to follow you, but he can’t. You walk away, judging it dense.
10. We don’t finish thinking.
You head to the parking lot after a long, hard day at work. One of your friends from the office comes up to you and asks how you are feeling. You respond by saying that you are fine, but you want that … Your friend looks at you with a questioning expression, expecting you to offer something else. Then you say that work would be less stressful if … but you never finish the sentence. The next day, he is frustrated that his friend did not implement the idea he had in mind. The problem lies in the fact that it was not fully communicated. You knew what you were thinking but you never shared the whole thought. After all, you can’t expect people to read your mind.
By Sylvia D. Hepler