Q. I noticed a change in my sister’s mood after she adopted her first child. She seemed to be depressed, like postpartum depression. The entire family expected her to be elated as she finally had the son she had longed for. This is normal?
A. What is happening to your sister is similar to postpartum depression. It is very real and can diminish the joy she experiences with her child. It is important that her family and friends understand her reasons and not put her down for these feelings. Depression can come from a combination of a series of events that trigger what is called “post-adoption depression.”
New changes to a full-time parenting lifestyle, a lengthy adoption process, topped off with years of infertility, and lack of control in either partner can trigger this type of depression. Rest assured, not all mothers go through this, but with parenting comes challenges. Not all women feel depressed, but some new adoptive mothers begin to feel the disappointment and release of the tension of the entire adoption process soon after the child comes home.
The financial stress of adoption can also make this time more stressful. Many new mothers find that staying at home and lack of sleep can contribute to their overall well-being. Many women are embarrassed to even mention their feelings. Often the comment I hear is “well you should be happy now”!
If a woman continues to experience depression for more than a month, she should seek the advice of a qualified physician who works with postpartum depression or an adoption counselor.
adoption advice
Surround yourself with positive people; get fresh air and good nutritious food. Put on some makeup throughout the day, even if you’re at home. I found it helpful to go out and attend comedy shows if you can just for fun. Sometimes it’s a comfort to know that other adoptive mothers have been through this and are now experiencing the joy that parenting can bring. It gets better.