Trust is probably the most important ingredient in fostering a healthy and committed relationship and is known to be the glue that binds a couple together. Trust is the heartfelt faith and trust that your partner will respect you and will not take advantage of you or hurt you. It is a feeling that you are genuine, authentic, trustworthy, and sincere. This connection allows you to be completely uninhibited and open up to being vulnerable and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, spots and all! Time and experience with your man have allowed a climate of security to develop in your relationship because both of you have consistently demonstrated honor and strength of character in their actions towards others and those around them.
While trust takes time to develop and is a hallmark of a successful relationship, it can be damaged very quickly if not nurtured and cause serious consequences for the future of the association affected by an indiscretion. Once trust has been compromised, it can be very difficult to repair and, in some cases, the damage can be irreversible. This article will offer some advice for couples who have invested in closing the gap and trying to restore deteriorated trust in their relationships.
The shattered foundation
Everything that a relationship has been built on collapses once trust has been breached, so it is generally not a quick fix and requires a lot of time and energy spent to repair. Maybe he cheated on you. Maybe you told him a white lie. I could have broken a promise to you. No matter how miniscule or severe the crime committed may seem, the dynamics and sense of security that the relationship once shared is likely to change.
Developing trust in someone can be difficult when there has been a history of emotional / verbal / physical abuse, when one’s feelings have been downplayed or ignored, or when there is unresolved pain or pain from the past. Your family history and previous experiences in relationships can also be contributing factors to difficulties with trust, as well as significant stress, low self-esteem, and addictions. The very nature of being gay can make us prone to distrust due to the years we spend hiding behind masks or “closet doors” to protect ourselves against homophobia. And when the man we fell in love with betrays that ultimate brotherhood bond, it can be devastating and lead to an almost paranoid state of always evaluating his every move and action and becoming hypersensitive to any possible hint of disloyalty to compensate and protect against the disloyalty. it hurts again. Intimacy suffers and the level of involvement tends to distance itself.
Tips to rebuild trust
While it may seem insurmountable at times, it is quite possible to heal from broken trust and come out on the other side with a positive outcome. However, you must first decide if you are really committed to saving your relationship with the other and if you are doing it for the right reasons. If the violation goes against your core beliefs and values, is it really a good choice of partner? Avoiding being alone and having to start over is not a good reason to dismiss inappropriate behavior that runs counter to who you are and what you stand for. Make sure your motives are in the right place and that each of you share a genuine common vision of rising above and conquering this challenge because your relationship is worth it.
Here are some tips for couples who are committed to that process. These recommendations can help promote the possibilities of moving through the obstacles of repairing confidence into a new life of possibilities as partners for life:
· Control well the projections that may have been triggered in the past; your boyfriend is not your ex or your father, who may have hurt you before. Focus on the here and now and deal directly with this current reality and not with those distractions that you will still need to cry and complete.
· Communicate with others. Nothing can help restore the human spirit better than serving those in need or seeing acts of kindness in motion. This helps to renew the fact that there is good in people and this can be achieved through volunteering for a charity or by turning to places of spirituality, for example. Also access your support system.
You and your partner will need to communicate and listen to each other; make sure you know how to do it right, and enlist the help of a trained therapist if necessary. Difficult discussions abound and each of you should be able to express and understand the perspectives of others. They will also need to acknowledge and validate the experiences of others about the problem and come to understand how and why this happened, while staying focused on the problem at hand.
Each of you should take responsibility for the roles you played in the indiscretion and be open to apologizing and forgiving each other.
· In your problem solving, you must create a new “relationship contract”, accepting behavior that is fair vs. unfair and ensuring that everyone shares these same definitions. Identify any unrealistic expectations to avoid any sabotage setup.
· Create a healing climate in your relationship. There is no longer room for competition, jealousy, guilt, or defensiveness. Introduce more tenderness and attention to the needs of others. Show each other constantly that each is a priority to the other and remember that you take back what you put into your relationship (The Law of Attraction).
Control your self-talk and counteract any negative thoughts that may interfere with your relationship efforts and self-esteem. Begin the process of reestablishing a secure identity where you are open to taking risks and becoming vulnerable again.
· Learn to “let go” of any bitterness so that everyone has a chance to grow and change. Take inventory of your partner’s positive memories, behaviors, interactions, and characteristics to keep you balanced and hopeful.
The road to regaining broken trust can lead to great self-discovery and growth in your relationship with sustained effort and a positive mindset. Recognize how trust issues develop between you and your partner, identify the behaviors necessary to overcome obstacles, and confront any blocks that may prevent you from achieving your goals. And lastly, keep in mind that trust needs constant nourishment in relationships and that the hardest thing in the world to do right now is an essential component of moving forward: becoming vulnerable again. But by opening up, you will really be able to see if you are loved for who you really are and will be a more active and happier participant in life.